Okay, so those of you who've been reading my blog for the past few years know that I rave about blogging from time to time. Usually that raving has to do with how great it is to catch up, how great it is to stay in touch, etc.
Tonight, it's because I think reading back helps me put (and keep) things in perspective, as well as keep tabs on where I am at emotionally and mentally - two very different things! LOL
As you all know, the past few months have been kinda crappy, with trying to find a job, interviewing, not interviewing, etc. But, I decided tonight to go back and read about life over the past few years. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a great family, awesome friends, so many blessings and, without sounding egotistical (please don't take it that way!) a trust in God that I am amazed at. In reading back tonight, I realized that in my darkest times, at the peak of frustration and anxiety, confusion and uncertainty, I find that I turn to faith. Its blind faith, unwavering, because through the years of losing babies and the three I have now, I learned there is a plan. Dr. D sat in my hospital room as I held Alex when he was born and said - "He always has a plan - we just don't always understand it until much later." Of course, Dangerfield was referring to the fact that 5 miscarriages made a cleft seem like nothing.
I have written many times that there is a plan, and that we can't always control things, and that God whispers to us. What if, maybe, just maybe...I am being called...
Has anyone seen Bruce Almighty? It may seem semi-sacrilegious to compare what I am experiencing to a movie that is hilarious and, well, sacrilegious. However, that scene - where he's asking God for a sign. And the signs are obvious, "Caution Ahead," the truck full of road signs, "Wrong Way." Is it possible that the things in my life over the past four years (aka - not being offered any teaching jobs, but being told each time that I have so much passion, was the best for the job, BUT...) are the sign to stop ignoring the call? I told my mom and dad the other day that I think its time to stop resisting the signs. I know that there is a plan for me. I think it's time to start thinking about answering that call.
2 comments:
Praying for you.
(I have missed your blogs!)
It is so hard to be patient sometimes. And I often wonder if I'm listening the right way. But you're right, when we stop to breathe and look back it all tends to make sense. Best of luck as you work to answer YOUR call, Andrea!
Love to you!
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