Sunny Days...Sweeping the Clouds Away...

As always, the depression and "lows" of January and February hit me like a ton of bricks this year. It's amazing to me that this SAD stuff is so intense, so draining. I was literally hanging out at home with every shade drawn, having absolutely no desire to do anything. Why open a shade when the grey outside is a perfect match for my attitude and mood?

During the winter lows, I wake up in the morning with a scowl on my face and a big band-aid on my heart, doing it's best to hold me together. I feel exhausted at 3 p.m., yet unable to sleep at 11 p.m. I know why I feel like crap, I fully realize it's the result of non-existent days, coupled with "three-times the charm" threats of spring flooding in Fargo. The fact that I know these things and abhor feeling this way does nothing for my moods, but instead makes me feel worse for it....

It's amazing what a few weeks worth of sun can do.

The past week or so, we have been blessed with the sun returning in full force. As I am outside and see the sun shining, the words "may his face shine upon you" ring in my ears and I can quite literally feel my heart lift. It's surreal, really, to actually be able to feel your spirits rise.

I know that Spring and the summer sun is around the corner, and I hope the sunny days continue to help us ride out the remaining winter. We have some potentially trying days ahead as the flood forcasts continue to worsen, and the reality of all the gritty, black, dirtiness of the snow causes a bit of regression in the mood department. But, the focus must be on the beauty that is ahead. The renewal that comes with the first sight of fresh grass, the first song of a bird.

Spring, I can feel you are near...can't wait until you arrive.

Honor...

I've been thinking about what it means to "honor" your parents lately. The reality of life is that we all get older, and in the past few months, many of the people from my graduating class (or near to it) have lost parents. Yes, we are reaching the age where death of the people who shape our lives and support us in all things is imminent.

So, what does it mean to honor one's parent? If you look at the definition of honor, it is this:

- A showing of merited respect. (noun)

- To revere (verb)

Too often, we forget that despite the cultural/generational differences between us, we were raised, given wings and allowed to fly by these people. We get so hung up on mom or dad's disinterest in technology, or seemingly constant failure to understand that "things are different today" that we forget that these people have endured just as much as we have and speak not just to hear themselves talk, but because they have, in all ways, "been there, done that."

We allow ourselves to forget that mom and dad raised children in a time when things had to be paid for in cash and if you didn't have, you didn't get. We forget that mom and dad struggled with the same decisions, decisions about jobs, careers, buying houses, paying bills, saying no...

We forget that our parents deserve so much more honor and respect from us then we give - that we tend to focus on ourselves (we are the " me generation" after all) and when mom and dad offer, we still take, take, take...

So what does it mean to step back and honor or respect, even REVERE our parents?

1) Show up. Stop by, say hi. (And not just because you need someone to watch jr. or need to borrow money.)

2) Take care of stuff - shovel. Mow. (And not by forcing it on others. Do it yourselves.)

3) Call. If mom and dad aren't online, reach out somehow.

4) Speak highly. When you consider your parents, consider all they have done for you.

I know there are plenty of people who have parents who are less than ideal. I fully understand there are people who have been abused, privy to drug and alcohol abuse, messed up family situations and more. I get that...

But for too many of us, we forget all that has been done for us. We forget that we have been given the greatest gift, the greatest opportunities, the greatest future by our parents.

So, take a moment and revere...

Books of 2011

As part of my New Years Goals, I want to read 1 new book a month. So far, I've read three. I really do like to read, but so often I get caught up in other stuff a home, or just want to veg with the TV.

I think the books I've done so far deserve some props.

1) Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey.

This book is awesome, proposing a new way to deal with and handle money. It's completely counter-cultural in that it condones SAVING money and not being concerned about stuff. It's a fast read, and I appreciate the Biblical References.

2) The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein

PHENOMENAL book. Here's a very general description from the authors website:

"A heart-wrenching but deeply funny and ultimately uplifting story of family, love, loyalty, and hope, The Art of Racing in the Rain is a beautifully crafted and captivating look at the wonders and absurdities of human life...as only a dog could tell it."

What I love, love, love about his book are the metaphors of life. As you read the book you come to realize that the "art of racing in the rain" is truly how we learn to and successfully maneuver the life challenges we face. Another commonly used line in the book is "the car goes where the eyes go" and it just hits home that our lives (car) are the result of how we look at and address the situations we face (eyes). AWESOME, clever book.

3) The Love Dare

I just started this one, but it was heavily hyped during the time "Fireproof" was released. If you haven't seen Fireproof, you should. Great movie. Yes, it is heavy on evangelical faith based "giving your life to Christ" references, but if you are apprehensive about that - look beyond it and realize what the movie is saying about MARRIAGE...

So why do I think The Love Dare is great? Because it's a great, self-reflective book that addresses what it means to be married and what it entails to be 1/2 of a marriage.

So - I am keeping up with my Resolutions and greatly enjoying the reading challenge!

A Week After the Resolutions

I made myself some New Year's Resolutions this year. I am not usually a resolutions person. It seems so...cliche, I guess. And it's always the same, isn't it? Lose 40 lbs (and then open a big box of chocolates).

So, instead of setting New Year's goals that are arbitrary and can't easily be measured, I decided on some lifestyle changes. I'm 31 and am not getting any younger. I decided on the following:

1) Eat more healthy, balanced meals and snacks (Not to lose weight, but to be a good model for my kids)

2) Cut up all Credit Cards and live on cash only

3) Read one book a month.

4) Run 2 races (1/2 in May, 10k in October)

5) Exercise 3 times a week - basic, like walking or riding bike

6) Cut down on Diet Coke consumption - to 4 or less cans a day.

7) Drink 3 L. of water a day

So which ones have I done? Most of them (except the races - can't very well run in 5 feet of snow...). I have cut down my pop to 2 - 3 cans a day. It's awesome. It's still an addiction, but I am confident I can cut down. I am keeping to very nearly 3 L of water a day. I haven't swiped a credit card - not even my debit card - since Dec. 29. And, I've read two books already.

I really do want to keep these resolutions because they are more positive lifestyle changes than anything. Doing the above will promote not only a healthy life for me, but a great role model for my kiddos, my husband and the countless kids I work with.

By the way. I realize that 4 cans of soda is a lot, still. But when you've started at 8+...yeah. Baby steps.

A Year Has Passed....

I haven't posted on my blog in well over a year. How do you measure a year? I still work at the church. Jeff still works at the bank. The kids have all gotten a year older.

We sold our house, and moved twice. We're building a new one as we speak. We've had some changes in our family - some good, some sad. My brother got married. My brother in law got separated.

Change is the name of the game. We must endure change to make it through life, and we are confident that when we have faith in God's plan for our lives, it will all be okay.

Welcome New Year. Welcome.

Six Months Later...

I update again. Wow. I was pretty good at the blogging thing for a while, but truth be told, life got in the way, and the little time I have keeps me from writing. I decide I'd rather spend my time hanging out with my kids and husband, and don't spend any time updating the blog. I'm a little sad about that. How many things have I not recorded, or written about, ruminated about or taken time to ponder. I look back at the posts from a year + ago and I think to myself - at least I will remember something of life during those hectic days.

That's what I've been thinking a lot about lately - the speed of life and how fast time goes. My oldest is 5 years old. Five! Alex is three and my baby is going to be two in a few short weeks. The baby that I wrote a lot about when I was expecting her. I hope I don't regret keeping track of the days - I'm sure I will. "They'll never remember, you'll never forget - that's the old adage of moms...

I have been thinking a lot this week about how unnecessary all of the technology is that we subject ourselves to on a regular basis. All the Facebook, internet, etc. etc. No one writes anymore. No one sends a friend a letter or note just to see how they are doing. It saddens me, when I think that 50 years ago, that's how people communicated. They looked forward to going to the mailbox to hear from near and dear friends. I go to the mailbox to get junk mail. And bills.


So how can I choose to simplify my life, and get back to the basics of life and humanity? God did not intend for us to be solitary creatures who sit in a room staring at a screen. We were created to be caring and embracing - loving and connected. I want to get better at it. I need to make the commitment to start. Now...

Week Off.

How time flies - seems to be a common phrase on my blog. But this time, it's in relation to my job. One year ago yesterday, I made the phone call that has changed my life. Don't get me wrong, my kids are obviously more impactful than that phone call, but I digress...

As any of you who read my blog know, I had spent the three months prior to May 17, 2008 trying everything I could to get a teaching job - to no avail. One year ago, I went out on a limb and a prayer, picked up the telephone and called one Dale Wolf at Atonement Lutheran Church. I told him I was a former teacher with a heart for Christ and kids and that I'd seen an advertisement on Atonement's website that expired 1 month prior (thank God they didn't keep the site updated then!) Jeff and I were on our way to Mpls for a conference (him) and a seminary tour (me). I spent the 30 minutes between Alexandria and Sauk Centre talking to Dale. At the end of the call, he asked me to fax or email my resume. One week later, I was in his office talking about the job, my faith, etc. The following Sunday (Memorial Day '08) I attended church and he offered me the postion.

Wow.

This job. It is exhausting. It's tiring. It takes me away from my kids a few nights a week. It requires weeks that run in the 70 hour range sometimes. But - it is exactly what I've spent the past 4 years trying to do.

People always ask me if I'll ever go back to teaching. The answer is a resounding no. I hope to be at Atonement for a long, long time. Teaching is a great and honorable job. I know that. But, at Atonement, I am blessed to take teaching to a different level. I get to impact kids. I get to mentor them. I get to form relationships with them. I can give them a hug, tell them a funny story, and take them out to coffee, pizza, or ice cream. I get to tell them Jesus loves them, and pray with them and for them. I get to work with amazing people, who make me laugh every single day. And, I work at a place where family truly comes first - giving me the flexibility to do what I need to and want to with my kids. I am SO blessed...

The tradeoffs - there have been a few. There have been hard times, and times where I thought "arghhh!" I have missed bedtimes. I've been gone for extended periods of time. But not once have I thought I need to find a different job. Not once have I thought I don't like it. I spend every moment thinking about what we can do better and different for our kids.

So, after nearly 1 year at Atonement, I am taking a week off. To recuperate, re energize and reflect on the past year. To hang out at home, get some rest and thank God for the blessings he has bestowed upon me. But, more than anything - I am reflecting on that verse from 1 Corinthians....

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has in store for those who love him.

I would never have seen myself here. I am so glad GOD is in control...