High Maintenance After All

I like to think I am a low maintenance girl. However, this morning I was getting ready to head out for the day (an interview actually) when my hair products proved otherwise. One is not low maintenance if they use 7 hair products in the morning...

"Flowers for you, Mommy!"

My boys are the sweetest! Last Sunday, they were in the backyard helping Jeff. I was inside working on something -- and Lucas comes tearing in the house. "Mommy! Mommy!" in a voice that I was sure meant something terrible had happened. I asked (before I could see him) "What's wrong?"

He came around the corner "We picked flowers for you, Mommy!" They aren't really flowers - but they look like Four-Leaf-Clovers. And how did they know I could use the love and luck ;)
Sweet!

Channeling Forrest

I ran the half-marathon this weekend. What an experience. I can't believe I finished. I decided on Friday 5/16 to run. I trained a bit earlier this year (Jan-March), but when the job stuff started, I quit training. But on Friday, I decided "What the heck-I can walk most of it if I want. My goal was to finish in 4 hours, which averages out to about an 18 minute mile. I am happy to report that I finished quite a bit faster than that. Next year, my goal is to cut my time by about 1/2 hour. Then, maybe the NEXT year, I'll run the full marathon. It really was a lot of fun. Jeff volunteered for traffic control and worked at mile 26/13, so he and the boys got to see me near the end of the race. (Lis stayed at home with Grandma P.) It really was a great run. The spectators fuel the adrenaline like you wouldn't believe! I paced myself with a couple of great people along the way, and we really had fun. And, it's exciting to finish in the Dome.

A Healthy Breakfast before the big run...


At the start:



Seeing my babies at the (almost) finish. This is Alex coming to give me a big kiss!

Listen to the Whisper

Hi. What an amazing week! What an awesome experience! What timing.

The day after I wrote my last post, I went online and did some research, contacted some people, and in the last few days, have had two meetings with people about a new direction for my life. I told Jeff the other day "I've sent out 26 teaching apps and had only one interview and NO phone calls for more. I ask a few people to be references for me, and the Lord opens a window!" He truly works in amazing ways.

Of course, this does not necessarily mean that I will get the positions for which I have pre-interviewed for in the past two days! (Yes, I am serious - resumes out on Monday, meetings yesterday and today --- compared to the above teaching stats!) BUT --- I feel...content, at peace!

There is a great song on the radio...

"Sometimes He calms the storm/with a whispered peace be still.
He can settle any sea/but it doesn't mean He will.
Sometimes He holds us close/and lets the wind and waves go by.
Sometimes He calms the storm/
Other times He calms His child.

My realization that there is a plan and that its not on my clock...has made me feel at peace. I feel that while storm may still rage, I have been calmed! More to come on this new journey! Have a great week.

Why I Love Blogging, part...oh who knows.

Okay, so those of you who've been reading my blog for the past few years know that I rave about blogging from time to time. Usually that raving has to do with how great it is to catch up, how great it is to stay in touch, etc.

Tonight, it's because I think reading back helps me put (and keep) things in perspective, as well as keep tabs on where I am at emotionally and mentally - two very different things! LOL

As you all know, the past few months have been kinda crappy, with trying to find a job, interviewing, not interviewing, etc. But, I decided tonight to go back and read about life over the past few years. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a great family, awesome friends, so many blessings and, without sounding egotistical (please don't take it that way!) a trust in God that I am amazed at. In reading back tonight, I realized that in my darkest times, at the peak of frustration and anxiety, confusion and uncertainty, I find that I turn to faith. Its blind faith, unwavering, because through the years of losing babies and the three I have now, I learned there is a plan. Dr. D sat in my hospital room as I held Alex when he was born and said - "He always has a plan - we just don't always understand it until much later." Of course, Dangerfield was referring to the fact that 5 miscarriages made a cleft seem like nothing.

I have written many times that there is a plan, and that we can't always control things, and that God whispers to us. What if, maybe, just maybe...I am being called...

Has anyone seen Bruce Almighty? It may seem semi-sacrilegious to compare what I am experiencing to a movie that is hilarious and, well, sacrilegious. However, that scene - where he's asking God for a sign. And the signs are obvious, "Caution Ahead," the truck full of road signs, "Wrong Way." Is it possible that the things in my life over the past four years (aka - not being offered any teaching jobs, but being told each time that I have so much passion, was the best for the job, BUT...) are the sign to stop ignoring the call? I told my mom and dad the other day that I think its time to stop resisting the signs. I know that there is a plan for me. I think it's time to start thinking about answering that call.

No Go...

So, I didn't get the job. Long story, long week, long face. But I am trying very hard to put it in perspective and realize that it wasn't meant to be and that there is a reason. I can deal with that. In fact, I didn't even get upset when the principal called tonight. I thanked him for giving me the chance to interview, asked what he could do to help me, and said I just appreciated the chance to share my ideas. He told me how much he appreciated how well I was taking the news. If they feel they made the right choice, then great and I know that it will be good for the school. Only problem is that I really like him, and looked forward to having him as a potential boss...

What I am having a harder time with is feeling that I won't get a chance anywhere. I really, really felt that if this one didn't work out, I don't have much of a prayer anywhere else. They say in education, it's not what you know, its who you know - and frankly, I don't know anyone else. So I have shed plenty of tears over the fact I may not even get another interview, and if that's the case, then what the hell do I do?

I subbed in the district today, and had a great 1/2 hour conversation with the principal who called me this evening to tell me I didn't get the job. He talked with me at length about how I'd make a great admin/superintendent or that I should really teach college. Problem with this? Yeah, I gotta get 3 years in somewhere, ANYWHERE, before I can do either of those two. So, again, I am left going "now what." Fortunately, he said he'd be willing to call any district I apply to, and explain why he couldn't/didn't hire me (it's complicated). And, he also said he'd write me a new letter of recommendation. I feel bad for him - I think he had a harder time calling me than I had getting the call...

I just keep thinking to myself that this will build character. I know that during the time we were losing babies, it made no sense, but that 4 years later, I hold my three kids and it fits...God has a plan. It is awful, and hell and doesn't make sense while you're going through it, but in time, He makes it clear why it goes the way it does! Perspective, right?

I'm Still Here...

I am!

I just thought I would check in for those of you who may be wondering why I haven't posted in forever. Of course, life is crazy as every and the roller coaster of applying for jobs continues. So far, 24 applications in, one interview and a storm of controversy surrounding it--- it isn't over yet. We'll keep you posted on that front. I also attended the MN job fair in Mpls on April 14th and was discouraged to learn that no schools need Social Studies teachers, but with my 20 credits in EBD about 30 states will take me to teach that. Hey, it's an option!

On some happier notes:

• Alex turned two. My precious boy turned two on April 3rd. We had a great birthday party for him. It was all about Elmo! He had such a great day and was so cute, if I do say so myself.
• My music team, Voices of the Cross, is helping immensely during this storm. I feel so fortunate to go to church every Tuesday night and just sing. It's such good medicine for the soul. And the music - I find new meaning in every word every time. I feel so blessed that I have faith.
  
• Lucas is thriving in preschool. He loves to sing and he and Alex duet "E-I-E-I-OOO" in such a way that makes me smile.
  
• Lisa's getting so big, and loves to smile and play! Can't believe she's 5 months on Saturday!
• Our friends had their first baby, Ingrid Maren! Congrats to them!!! I feel bad that I made Steve choke up when we were talking about the miracle of children. But, we were both crying :)
• Jeff is still hanging in there with me during this. I think he's learned to appreciate working and NOT looking for a job. I don't thank him nearly enough for his strength and support. But I love him for sure, and maybe when the storm has cleared we can get away for a day or two.
  
• We are taking a vacation in June. We're going with my cousin and family to SD for a "Thomas the Train" weekend. The kids will love it, the rooms will be cheap (she's a GM for hotels), we'll be outside, and we'll be "getting outta Dodge." What more can you ask.
  
• Not all of my plant died over the winter. My day lilies are coming back and the green reminds me that hope springs anew every spring.
  

For those of you I have neglected in the past three weeks, please forgive me. I am not trying to steer clear --- so, one of these days, I'll get back on track!