...Still Not Good at This!

So it's a month later, and I haven't sent this out. I also haven't gotten any better about posting. Be patient with me. I will get better.

Today, I was reading the blog of one of my old friends who I haven't talked to in a long time. She wrote about finding a box of old mementos, and made a comment along the lines of not knowing why she kept it, but being glad she did. Isn't it funny that we all hold on to things from the past. I too don't really know why I keep some of those old things. I still have my box of stuff from my one and only year in Bemidji, and I look back at some of those notes from Laura and Erin, and remember how sweet it was to have such great girls as friends. And then I deeply regret how I have let those friendships fade, unintentionally of course, but fade nonetheless. And I start to wonder what I could do differently...

The other things I have kept are the petals of every rose Jeff ever gave me...I guess it makes me remember how in love we were (and still are - just don't get as many roses anymore!) I have Lucas' pacifier from his NICU stay, as well as Alex's arm braces from his surgeries - and so much more.

I am one of those that doesn't want to let go. I just haven't always let those close to me know that I am like that I think that people would be surprised that I am so sensitive. I think many would be surprised that I fret and worry about what people think of me. I don't think people know how easily my feelings are hurt, or how sometimes, self-depreciating humor is a cover for insecurity. A lot of times, extroverts are perceived as being invincible...trust me, we are not! Wow don't I sound depressed - I'm not, just feeling a little introspective.

I just emailed many of you and told you about this blog today...I hope you visit from time to time! Julie, thanks for having mom and I over the other day, it was good to see you :)